from John Wesley: the Best from All His Works by John Wesley (abridged and edited by Stephen Rost) (Nashville, Tomas Nelson, 1989)

"The Conversion of John Wesley"

“The conversion of John Wesley was remarkable because it came during a time when he was already very active in ministry. It appears that he associated salvation with works, a common problem among some Christian groups today. Yet he acknowledged an emptiness in himself that he couldn't explain or resolve.

“Like many who have had similar experiences, Wesley had his moments of peace as well as turmoil. His involvement in sin was, as he put it, one of unwillingness, but of inability to conquer. Sin was like a hound on his trail and he could not do anything in and of himself to shake the pursuit.

“Eventually, he met a man named Peter Bohler in London who labored with him until finally his persistence paid off and Wesley became a Christian.

“Wesley's conversion illustrates powerfully how one can be deeply religious but at the same time thoroughly lost spiritually. Had John Wesley died in his sins he would un¬doubtedly have said, ‘Lord, Lord, did I not prophesy in Your name ... ?’

“The testimony that follows is a reminder to all that the external qualities of a person do not necessarily reveal the truth.
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"Beating the Air" John Wesley:

“Being ignorant of the righteousness of Christ, which, by a living faith in him, bringeth salvation ‘to every one that believeth, ‘ I sought to establish my own righteousness, and so labored in the fire all my days. I was now properly ‘under the law’; I knew that ‘the law’ of God was ‘spiritual; I consented to it, that it was good. ‘ Yea, ‘I delighted in it, after the inner man. ‘ Yet was I ‘carnal, sold under sin. ‘ Every day was I constrained to cry out, ‘What I do, I allow not: for what I would, I do not; but what I hate that I do. To will is’ indeed ‘present with me; but how to perform that which is good, I find not. For the good which I would, I do not; but the evil which I would not, that I do. I find a law, that when I would do good, evil is present with me’: Even ‘the law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, ‘ and still ‘bringing me into captivity to the law of sin. ‘

“In this vile, abject state of bondage to sin, I was indeed fighting continually, but not conquering. Before, I had willingly served sin; now it was unwillingly, but still I served it. I fell, and rose, and fell again. Sometimes I was overcome and in heaviness; sometimes I overcame and was in joy. For as in the former state I had some forensics of the terrors of the law, so had I in this of the comfort of the gospel. During this whole struggle between nature and grace, which had now continued above ten years, I had many remarkable returns to prayer, especially when I was in trouble. I had many sensible comforts, which are, indeed, no other than short anticipations of the life of faith. But I was still ‘under the law, ‘ not ‘under grace- (the state most who are called Christians are content to live and die in): for I was only striving with, not freed from, sin: neither had I the witness of the Spirit with my spirit and, indeed, could not; for I ‘sought it not by faith, but, as it were, by the works of the law.’

“In my return to England, January, 1738, being in imminent danger of death and very uneasy on that account, I was strongly convinced that the cause of that uneasiness was unbelief; and that gaining a true, living faith, was the ‘one thing needful’ for me. But still I fixed not this faith on its right object: I meant only faith in God, not faith in or through Christ. Again, I knew not that I was wholly void of this faith, but only thought I had not enough of it. So that when Peter Bohler, whom God pre¬pared for me as soon as I came to London, affirmed of true faith in Christ (which is but one), that it had those two fruits inseparably attending it, ‘Dominion over sin, and constant peace from a sense of forgiveness,’ I was quite amazed, and looked upon it as a new gospel. If this was so, it was clear I had not faith. But I was not willing to be convinced of this. Therefore, I disputed with all my might and labored to prove that faith might be where there were not; especially where the sense of forgiveness was not, for, all the Scriptures relating to this, I had been long since taught to construe away; and to call all who spoke otherwise Presbyterians. Besides, I well saw no one could in the nature of things have such a sense of forgiveness and not feel it. But I felt it not. If then there was no faith without this, all my pretensions to faith dropped at once.

“When I met Peter Bohler again, he consented to put the dispute upon the issue which I desired, namely, Scripture and experience. I first consulted the Scripture. But when I set aside the glosses of men, and simply considered the words of God, comparing them together, endeavoring to illustrate the obscure by the plainer passages; I found they all made against me and was forced to retreat to my last hold, ‘that experience would never agree with the literal interpretation of those scriptures. Nor could I, therefore, allow it to be true, till I found out some living witnesses of it.’ He replied [that] he could show me such at any time; if I desired it, the next day. And accordingly, the next day he came again with three others, all of whom testified of their own personal experience, that a true living faith in Christ is inseparable from a sense of pardon for all past, and freedom from all present, sins. They added with one mouth that this faith was the gift, the free gift of God; and that he would surely bestow it upon every soul who earnestly and perseveringly sought it. I was now thoroughly convinced; and by the grace of God I resolved to seek it unto the end by absolutely renouncing all dependence, in whole or in part, upon my own works or righteousness, on which I had really grounded my hope of salvation, though I knew it not, from my youth up; by adding to the constant use of all the other means of grace, continual prayer for this very thing, justifying, saving faith, a full reliance on the blood of Christ shed for me; a trust in him, as my Christ, as my sole justification, sanctification, and redemption.

“I continued thus to seek it (though with strange indifference, dullness, and coldness, and unusually frequent relapses into sin), till Wednesday, May 24. I think it was about five this morning that I opened my Testament on those words, ‘There are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises, even that ye should be partakers of the Divine nature, ‘ 2 Peter 1:4. Just as I went out, I opened it again on those words, ‘Thou art not far from the kingdom of God. ‘ In the afternoon I was asked to go to Saint Paul's. The anthem was ‘Out of the deep have I called unto thee, 0 Lord: Lord, hear my voice. 0 let thine ears consider well the voice of my complaint. If thou, Lord, wilt be extreme to mark what is done amiss, 0 Lord, who may abide it? For there is mercy with thee; therefore, shalt thou be feared. 0 Israel, trust in the Lord: for with the Lord there is mercy, and with him is plenteous redemption. And he shall redeem Israel from all his sins. ‘ [Psalm 130]

“In the evening I went very unwillingly to a society in Aldersgate Street, where one was reading Luther's preface to the epistle to the Romans. About a quarter before nine, while he was describing the change which God works in the heart through faith in Christ, I felt my heart strangely warmed. I felt I did trust in Christ, Christ alone for salvation; and an assurance was given me that he had taken away my sins, even mine, and saved me from the law of sin and death.